Hello Tiffani,

Sorry to hear about your difficult childhood. Given the circumstances, it is very normal and expected that you feel the way you do.. Do you know that most of our neural pathways, the highways in our brain, connected to how we react, are formed in early childhood (before 7), through the experiences we gained back than? You’ve been using these ‘highways’ for years without knowing it and your brain goes on ‘autopilot’ whenever something triggers a reaction.

But the good news is that you weren’t born with them, they were ‘built’ … and there is a solution… You just have to identify them (psychotherapy can be beneficial regarding this), and then build new ones through new habitual experiences… that will substitute that anger you feel with something else. There are amazing books and studies regarding this that can help, and you can do your research and start a new life mission. The one book I can think of right now is ‘Habits of a happy brain’, but there are many more out there…

And also in my personal experience, re-living the past and repeating what got you here, can only be beneficial to certain point. Just don’t focus all your mental attention to this, and constantly enforce the old paths, especially if you have already resolved and identified what bothers you 🙂 Half the job is done, you left, you are aware, so give yourself some credit 🙂 Other half awaits.. I am so glad that you are out of that abusive environment and you are not among the many, unfortunate people that are still stuck in violence, and have to make the hardest first step.

If nothing else, try a simple exercise for now… As you said, friends make you happy, I am sure that you spend a lot of time with them and you make exciting new plans… Whenever something ‘triggers’ your anger, identify it and try to refocus your attention on the plans you have that day with your friends…. or whatever makes you interested and happy… It takes time (not too long though), and practice but it can be done, till your brain goes on another auto-pilot 🙂

I hope that you’ll be fine, and that at least I gave you a different insight… Do not blame yourself or get frustrated, as I said all this is a normal reaction, and it you can overcome this… We are ‘designed’ to survive and move forward… Best of luck!