Thank you, Anita 🙂 Honestly, this isn’t a knee jerk decision. Initially, when we first broke up, the thought of being back there was unbearable, despite the fact I knew I could easily get a job there. I knew he was back there, and I even knew exactly where he was staying. I do feel he made sure I knew where he’d be because he was secretly hoping I may show up so he could explain himself better in person. What he didn’t realise was I was already going through a transformation – one in which I was beginning to see my own worth and put myself first. There was no way in hell I was going to seek him out or demand further answers. He showed me the level of his emotional maturity and I decided that it simply wasn’t good enough, which is why I stopped responding to him the minute he sent me that horrible email.
Over the months, as I began to heal and become stronger, I kept craving stability – my own place, a steady income, hobbies I can enjoy etc. This city, emotionally speaking, is the most difficult one to go to, but I cannot deny that practically speaking it’s the best choice for me right now. I can settle very quickly. I was stopping myself from going for all this time because he’s there, but I realised I was cutting my nose off to spite my own face. My dad and a few close friends think that it will bring me peace to know I was strong enough to go back there and conquer this fear.
I tried a different city a few months back and while I loved the place, I was plagued with loneliness and I’m not sure being alone in a whole new place is what I need right now. Sure, I will make new friends when I’m back, but knowing that I have some friends there whom I can go and meet takes a big load off my mind. My aim is to go back, get a job and save towards my bigger goals. As I mentioned, I have zero desire to see him or interact with him, although I guess I should have a plan in place for the eventuality that he does reach out. I guess a simple no contact rule should suffice.
I just hope it’s not as difficult as I’m expecting it to be to be back there.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 