I forgot to mention my story so you could see the similarities you and I have!!

-We met a year ago at a time where I did not want a commitment at all, and it just started out as great sex
-Very quickly feelings developed and we became a couple
-There were several red flags which I brushed aside because I really had him on a pedestal- he’s a lot older than me- a refined, older man who was so gentlemanly and did not reveal much vulnerablility at all so I was under this spell
-I eventually found out through some detective work on a couple different occasions that he lied to me about his age, no. of kids, no. of marriages, and that I was an affair. This all was found out whilst I was living at his place.
-I moved out only to see him again weeks later and be drawn back in. Several times.
-I then went to Asia for 4.5 months (starting in Thailand!!!) for myself but also grateful for the opportunity to be forced away from him for a prolonged period. He texted me a bunch at first and I felt so loved but then things resumed to his unopen ways that had me SO insecure and feeling so unsafe regarding his feelings and faithfulness to me (ha)
-I met someone else on my trip who totally fell in love with me and reminded me what it was like to be with someone open who I could fully trust and be my full emotional self with
-…then I returned and it was just a matter of a couple weeks before I was back at his place. Later when it was confirmed that he’s still with his original partner and she knows nothin about me…I wanted so badly to be able to walk away forever. It’s changed so much for me and I definitely don’t have the same rose coloured glasses on when I look at him anymore but I am still addicted to him and I still see him.

So. Yeah. I really feel you, sister.