Dear J:

What I am saying is not that you are in control of your own life. I am saying you are not in control of your own life, at this point. Not yet. I think your mother is in control, the church people. Not you.

I think that the way for you to proceed is to take control of your life. To remove your mother, the church people, others- remove them from the center of your being and place yourself in your own center.

There is a psychological term that my therapist taught me: Locus of Control (LOC). For many people the LOC is external- mine has been most of my life and yours is also External (ELOC). I am suggesting you shift to Internal LOC (ILOC).

You probably have an experience in your life when you were your center (ILOC)- can you think of one and share the circumstances of that experience and how it felt to you?

anita