Hello gg4tp,

When we’re in a relationship and we’re not getting what we want, it’s often best to first sit down and ask ourselves “is what I’m expecting reasonable?” If the answer to that is no, then we downshift/or change our expectations. If the answer is yes, then we have two options: 1) make peace with the fact that this is not something you will not receive from the other person and take comfort in all their other good qualities…in otherwords, compromise or 2) leave the relationship and hope to find what we want elsewhere.

A former boss said to me, “one of the greatest gifts you can give a person is your time”. Relationships, of all sorts – not just romantic ones, require a time investment of both parties to help keep the relationship healthy, otherwise it dies from neglect.

I can’t advise you as to whether or not this is the right person for you, but I feel pretty confident based on what you wrote that there’s a disconnect between the two of you as to what amount of quality time together (either over the phone or in person) is necessary, and you definitely need to iron out this issue before making a lifelong commitment. You say this was a recent development, right? If so he may be honest when he says it’s just because of work…communication ebbs and flows in couples if one is say busy with a professional project or a change of schedule. If that’s the case, you may just want to ride it out. But if this is going to be a chronic problem (like the job changes are permanent or he’s exhibited this behavior before) then you have some serious soul searching to do. You may want to check in with a very honest friend or a therapist to get some clarity. Better yet, see if your fiance is open to going to couples counseling! That way you have a trained 3rd party who specializes in communication who get work with the both of you to resolve your differences.

Hope that helps! Best of luck to you both.