Dear Peter,

When you have hundreds of people in animation that you know and who are successful, so-called, its going to be hard for you to walk away from that. The normal thing would be to feel like you will look like a failure in the eyes of those people. Thats not a reason to stick at it. Thats a hamster wheel. To come off that wheel can look scary, like we are going to a very lonely place which has no clear direction, and that is pretty much the case. But there is no clarity on the wheel, since our head is always full of images, of those people, and the positive image of ourselves that we hope imagine they have of us. I hope you will have the clarity to stand alone for a while, and put all those people out of your head. I had a simple descision to drop a small gang of friends, about 12 people, when I was 26, and start totally fresh. I figured I couldnt start with a bunch of people who knew everything about me, or at least thought they did. There thoughts were like iron bars. Im glad I did that. Ive had a lot of fear around people that has taken me to this day, 8 years later, to work through, and dont have a single friend yet. It sounds bleak but I have loved the journey. When you get to the level of being really sick, like being an alcoholic or being on medication, its a joy to feel like your on the right road again. The road doesnt disappear because there are no friends on it. and most magically and mysteriously, that road in its quietness, even aloneness, has its own perfume 🙂 Anyway, how can you have friends, or new friends if we start fresh, if you dont have a facebook profile? 🙂 but ill stay strong and never, ever submit to Zuckerbergs plans to own our souls:-)

For most people though, what Ive outlined doesn’t seem to be acceptable to them, to be alone for a period, any period in fact, and risk others thinking less of them. But if others will think less of you for dropping something, where is the real relationship in that, the friendship? Surely a friend is someone who knows you well, has paid attention to your life, and knows that you need a change almost as quickly as know it yourself. If they have no clue, how are they even a friend? Friends take the care to know each other. How many of your so-called friends know your feelings about all this, how much it makes you suffer? Also, as the saying goes, a wise man changes his mind, so people should understand anyway.

You seem bent on taking one action or another, commiting to one direction or another, choosing one relationship or career path or another. Action is will, which is the focus on me and what I want to achieve. Its so hard not to do that! Its so hard to just resist making decisions and taking action and instead just put ambition aside for a time, completely, and just choicelessly look at what I am – all the desires I have, all the images I have,of hurt, of success, of achievement, we are full of those images, and the isolation of all that, which you living through, and of wanting to achieve, seeing how personal all that is. When our world is totally personal, its a lonely world, I know ive made that mistake.