Dear Isra:

You asked: “Is it selfish to want to put myself first right now, at the height of my educational life and dreams?”

Absolutely not: it is not at all selfish of you to put yourself first right now and for as long as you live, always first.

It is not alright for you to sacrifice yourself, your values, your dreams for anyone at all. If and when you become a mother, this will be re-visited, the sacrifice part. But even then you will need to put yourself first.

At this point it may not be a good idea for you to be in a relationship with a guy at all. It is taking too much out of you. Maybe later in your life, later in your twenties, you can invest in a relationship. Maybe after more therapy. Not now.

Regarding your boyfriend, since you decided to still have a relationship with him, talk with him about ways to make this relationship so that it doesn’t burden you. Your main responsibility now and always is to yourself, to promote your own physical and mental well being. Do whatever it takes to take good care of yourself.

No one is worth you sacrificing your well being. Sacrificing yourself for a guy, for a relationship with a person is very wrong. Please don’t do it. Any person who loves you will NOT want you to sacrifice yourself for him.

So I am suggesting make the rules with him so that a relationship with him works for you and not against you. If it is not possible, end the relationship. Hope you post again.

anita