Dear Anita,

I am sorry about my language. I will not use that kind of language again.

90% of the time this happens :
– If this is my life purpose, shouldn’t this be easy for me even if it’s hard ?
– If I want to do this for real shouldn’t I be able to take all the hits easily and get up afterwards because it is worth the pain ?
– Will I make it ?
– Am I doing this just for fame ?
– Every half hour I go to smoke a cigarette to have a break
– I’ve been doing this exercise for a week and I can’t see any result. ANY.
– Is this not what I want to do ?
– If not then why aren’t I able to have a definete NO answer ?
– Do I have mental issues asking all this questions ?
– Oh I have to do those boring exercises again to be better.
– In the beginning I stayed 6-7 hours reading sheet music and learning songs
– Now I’m not doing that.
– That means I am not interested in it anymore ?
– Why do I give up everything in my life after awhile
– Shouldn’t I be hungry to learn more music from sheet music or in general ?
– WHY THESE THOUGHTS WON’T STOP ?
I am trying to bring my awearness up but it doesn’t work in this situation.
After I do at least 2 hours of guitar a day I feel at ease.
– Do I feel at ease because I’m not playing anymore ?
– Does that mean that it is not for me ?
– Or is it because I am not used working hard towards something ?
– How can I be sure ?
– Why am I not feeling the magic again ?
– Am I doing this just for the ego?
– Is only the ego making me do this so I don’t just slack off all day and actually do something with my life ?
If i remember more i will edit this and let you know i edited it.
But I am really grateful because you spend your precious time helping the helpless. May your life be enlightened.
Also since I started meditating I get confused there as well:
– Is this the awearness ?
– How do I know I am aware and I’m not.
– If I kinda have an image of my body when I pretend to be aware ?
– I feel the bad emotions but now they are not really that hard on me. Does it mean I just observe ? Does that mean I am aware ?
– What’s the difference between awarness and thought ?
– Is awarness just a thought ?
Some of them.

….:(