Hi Hikergal,

I agree with Anita about the break up happend too quickly and part of the reason why you have these thoughts could be that there wasn’t any real closure. On the other hand, I also understand why you closed it off so quickly as that’s something I’ve done myself in the past. Rejection sucks and prolonging the humiliation seems unnecessary at the time.

I am not sure this would help but I ended up texting an ex 16 months after we broke up and she didn’t reply. Its one of those hey how are you going text but it still set me back quite a bit. I ended up double downing on yoga and it helped a lot.

Around 26 months after we broke up I ran into her at a random event and we had a chat. During that conversation, I learned that even though she initiated the break up, it was still difficult for her because I refused to be friends afterwards. She also mentioned that she didn’t date for two years and only started seeing someone recently. We talked about our old times and recent events but all I remembered thinking was I used to love this person but I felt nothing besides a mild affection towards her as we talked. It’s like visiting a house you used to live in and realise how small and damp it is even though you had great memories there. It’s great getting closure though as it stopped me romanticising that relationship in my head.

So yeah, things will get better eventually if you give yourself a chance to grief and process those emotions. My advise: don’t call unless you are emtionally prepared to take no for an answer or find out that they are dating someone else.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by Cognition.