Dear flyby:

Glad the first is out of your life and the second has improved and is a joy to have around.

Your last line: “Negativity doesn’t mean intentionally hurtful”- not what I said and I want to explain why I wouldn’t say this: let’s say a person calls you horrible names, even hits you and then says: I didn’t intend to hurt you. I was just so distressed. I have a bi polar diagnosis. Etc. Just an example.

This person in my example is abusive regardless of intention and shouldn’t be in your life.

But there is more to it: when a person acts abusively toward another, unless the person is totally unaware of reality, that is the person is in full fledged psychotic episode, then the person does intend to hurt. It is the hurting act itself, the calling names, the hitting, that relieves the abuser’s distress, making him or her feel better.

So the “I didn’t mean to hurt you…” or “It was not my intention to hurt you..” following abusive behavior is really a lie. It makes the person saying it feel better, but it is not true.

anita