Dear DGOC25:

It is understandable to me that your relationship as a child with your “overbearing, but loving mother” shaped your mind and your life. Of course, you were emotionally attached to your mother, as any child is. Now, what is “overbearing”- as I understand it, it means her message was something like: “It is my way or the highway!”- submit to me and my ways or I don’t love you..” – something like that. No hearing YOU, no listening to what YOU need, want and prefer. It is her way or you are out in the cold.

So you grew up feeling a sense of safety with your mother, as any child must feel in order to live, and at the same time you learned to pay the price for that feeling of safety- to submit, to void your own needs, wants, preferences (just like your mother did).

Problem is, there is no real safety for you with your boyfriend- it is only a feeling. Part of you knows there is no real-life safety with this individual. Your past experience already proved this fact. And because you know it, you are miserable with him much of the time. On the other hand you are scared to be without the FEELING of safety.

Do you agree? Disagree with any part of what I posted?

anita