Dear Tessa:

Being at peace with who you are is the best you can do. As you interact with people evaluate what they say to you about who you are, as they most often are telling you how someone else is. What people communicate with you gives you good information about who you are communicating with: who is this person? And it gives you feedback about the effectiveness and ineffectiveness of your behavior with any one particular person, be it the friend or the new guy in your life.

Do not be quick to criticize yourself or others (unless they are clearly abusive)- wait, evaluate first. Ask questions, process. You don’t have to figure out everything in your own head alone. Ask and get the information from the other.

The new guy in your life- get to know him. Ask him anything- as long as you ask in a non accusatory way, in a mild way (so he doesn’t feel like … he will get in trouble with you for answering the ..wrong way), you can ask anything, including his dating life with other women. As a matter of fact, it is very much your business to know. It may not be your business at this point to demand that he dates you exclusively, but it is your business to know if he is exclusive or not.

anita