Dear suresocket:

From your second post, I don’t know if your expectations of validation and support from your S.O are realistic or unreasonable. It can be either way or both. I am sure he is not perfectly attentive in each and every way, and expecting perfection from him would be unrealistic. If I was a fly on the wall observing some of your interactions I could take notes and evaluate what is going on. As is, I don’t have the information.

So until and if you give me specific examples, conversations with enough details: she said/ he said type of account, I will give you this general answer, my answer:

You let go of your excess need for validation and support by paying attention and noticing the validation and support that he does give you. Thank him for those, show your sincere appreciation. In turn validate and support him. The more you do of the latter, the more you are likely to get the same from him.

Also: when you share with him about your ADD and what other diagnosis or label you identify with, or have been identified with, you are creating a situation where You are the sick one and he needs to tend to you. What happens when you do that, is he is considered the “normal” one and is expected to cater to you, to take care of you. When this happens he is neglected.

He needs your attentiveness too because he too suffers from anxiety and distress, often enough. And if he is emotionally distant, it is his way of protecting himself from more anxiety than he already feels.

anita