Dear Qrasy,

I am sorry it didnt work out with her and you are hurting. How you feel after heart-break is exactly what you are feeling right now. However, though you dont see it at the moment, things will change for the better. You met her at a phase when you were in the middle of unemployment and job search – that in itself is a damn frustrating place to be in and actually worsens depressive tendencies. She was like a breath of fresh air, hope in life…the first love thrill too…after all, what more can one say about someone who we were involved with for 2 months, had limited contact with in person and mostly talked on the phone. Its easy to say big words about love, plan the future, etc but the real challenge lies in actually doing them…Bigger actions, lesser words. She is 33, thats quite an old age for a woman in a Muslim society if she wants to get married. Obviously she would be in a big hurry. There must be pressure from her family too…I do understand that part. It would make sense for her to go for a guy who was settled financially. I am sure she must have been fond of you but clearly she didnt see a future in this. That became obvious to her over time – thank God you people broke up this early, imagine how painful it would have been if she had continued to go on despite not really wanting to.

You are afraid of the future right now and see no respite from this pain. It is out there though. These are trying times indeed but more the reason you have to be more positive – you will find a worthy partner later. I understand that the notion of arranged marriages may make this unlikely but this experience may actually help you in understanding what a worthy girl for you really is. You will be able to choose better. Secondly, if you cant find a full time job right now, perhaps an internship might help or atleast something to keep you occupied during the day. See its a comfortable place to feel bad like this and wallow away in self-pity, feel doomed about the future but you need to push yourself right now to come out of this. You deserve better and you will get it – you will emerge wiser and stronger from this experience. Think about the people whom you love the most other than this woman. They have been with you longer – sometimes we need to be strong for them when we dont have any left for ourselves…

There are two things i want you to do somehow – one is to read this book called “Man’s search for Meaning” By Victor Frankl. The other is to watch this movie called Anjaana Anjaani – its an Indian movie, i dunno if you will find the subtitles for it but its worth a shot.

Please stay strong.
This too shall pass.

Nina