Dear Daniela:

I don’t care much for “social norms” – depending of course on the specifics. Notice you feel two things about disliking people: Guilty and Afraid, afraid that they will retaliate. I know this fear. I used to go to great lengths to prevent feared retaliation. Problem is going those great lengths I hurt myself.

In my case, I feared retaliation because as a child if my mother didn’t like the expression on my face, she retaliated. So that fear got imprinted in me.

I no longer smile at people if I don’t feel like it and no retaliation. I also terminated contacts with people- and again, no retaliation.

To thine own self be true. As long as you are not abusive to another, it is okay to not fake friendliness and it is okay to limit or eliminate contact with others. You don’t OWE anyone to be friendly with them (unless they pay your bills, I say) and fearing people who did not already display dangerous behavior toward you- is not reasonable.

Your thoughts…?

anitaa