Dear Anita,
The problem is that:
1. I have a twin sister. We are very close. In our teenage, we were always together and we were even in the same class. Because of this, we did not realize the importance of friendship. For example, when we wanted to do shopping or had some fun, we had each other as well as two other sisters. I did not try to invite other friends to join us. As a result, we have friends, but not close. After school, no more contact neither. However, now my twin sister is getting married soon. It may sound silly, but I kind of feel “betrayed” or I am left alone. She would move out and have her own family. I did talk with her about my complicated feeling (feel happy for her but feel sad for myself). She understands me but no one can really do to help me think positively. Besides, people always like to compare twins. I received pressure from people saying that “your younger twin sister is getting married! You are still single. What are you going to do? When is your turn? Hurry up!..etc”. I felt so bad.
2. I did not tell my family (except my twin sister) about how sad I was in relationship issues. One of my older sisters got cancer before and because of this and other reasons, we think that it is not likely that she can find any guys in her life. How could I tell my family that I am sad because I am single…? Compared with my sick sister, I am already lucky. At least I am healthy. I don’t want them to know I am sad or feeling being single is something negative, otherwise this may upset my sick sister too. On the other hand, I heard from my twin sister that my mom secretly told her that she thought that my twin sister’s life is better than my life now because she found a man and will get married soon. I am a bit angry and sad when I knew this. I had a PhD degree and I have a good career too. I expect that my family should be proud of me. But… the result is that they (at least my mom) think I am not doing OK.. Except this very topic, my family is supportive. When I am stressed at work, they will comfort me. But I did not always tell them about my work.. This is because, when I am sad now, I want to hide myself. So now, when I arrive home, I will just hide myself in the room and rest after dinner…
3. It is also a bit embarrassing for me to tell people how sad I am about being single. Sometimes I wonder that because I am not enjoying being single and I am too eager to find a boyfriend, I will easily pick a wrong guy. This is like a negative cycle. Wrong guy->sad->wrong guy->sad…
Currently, I feel heartbroken because I have to give up on the guy I met via the dating app. I tried to convince myself that I am actually not that into him. I am just too lonely. But.. my positive thoughts cannot be sustained. My emotion is always fluctuating. I am not sure if I have emotion problems… (work stress + relationship stress…etc)

KatyCat