Thank you for your help, after much help from the blogs and quotes on this site, which led to much deep inner thinking, i think i may have discovered my own answer to my problem.
All my life i have been told negative things about life, people and myself and have been badly emotionally manipulated as well
My Dad and myself are from the type of non-smiley people and have been plagued by others asking “whats up?” or cheer up, it might not happen ect, also i found it hard to accept praise and gifts which led to people asking if i were disappointed or upset. i believe i have grown to believe that my own feelings and responses are inadequate, so ive withdrawn them completely.
in the past my showy little mask was enough but i have a dad and a lovely husband who can see straight through it, my husband wants me to be me the real me, he says ive been through enough and its time for the real me to stop hiding.
so i have been trying to find me but until i came across this site i never realised how hard and difficult facing your inner truths could be.
I’d like to really thank this site, after years of trying to find myself i think im getting really close, not that its going to be easy because the problems we have are littered with truths that most of us do not want to face