Just another update because I don’t particularly feel confident in myself about dating and interpersonal relationships right now.
Another thing that seems to be weighing on my mind is feeling occasionally invalidated by my new boyfriend. When I feel invalidated, I feel self-conscious, stupid, and as though he’ll lose interest in me. (Or am I just blowing this out of proportion in my mind?)

Example #1 of feeling invalidated: We were going to meet at a friend’s birthday party. The party was located close to where I live. I texted my boyfriend and said I was surprised by how much it had rained. He responded, “Is it raining over there? It’s completely clear here.” I said, “It was pouring rain earlier and now it’s just sprinkling.” He then said, “I just checked my weather app on my phone. It says it’s pretty clear over there…” I felt like he didn’t believe me even though I was looking at the dismal weather right outside my window. I sent him a short snapchat video of the puddles outside that still had rain drops sprinkling onto them and wrote, “I don’t know, it’s just sprinkling over here right now.” He said, “Looks like it has past and the sky is now clear. Great weather chat.” I’m still confused on why it felt like he needed to have the last word and be right about something like the weather?

Example #2 of feeling invalidated: We were watching a movie where the characters won the lottery. We started talking about winning the lottery and what we would do with the money. He said he would invest some of it. He works in finances and does a lot with investing and financial advising (which I honestly admire because math/money/investing is not something I know a lot about). I asked him if people with lower/modest incomes often invest and if so what were they investing in. The blank stare he gave me honestly made me feel a little embarrassed. He just looked confused and then asked, “What do you mean?” And I said, “I don’t know a lot about investing and I know that’s sort of your specialty so I was just curious.” Still seemingly confused he said, “Well doesn’t the company you work for have a retirement 401K you can put money into?” I said, “Yes.” And he said, “Well…then yeah… people with lower to moderate incomes will invest in that…” I felt stupid, like it was an answer that was obvious and I made myself look like a fool for even asking. Then we just changed the subject.

I don’t know if I should grow a thicker skin and let things roll off my shoulder easier or what. I just want to feel good around him and like he admires me like I admire him. Maybe it’s my low self-esteem, but I often feel stupid around him and feel like I have to think twice about what I say so I can word it more eloquently to avoid sounding dumb.

One good thing though: He’s not one to openly dole out compliments, so when he does compliment me it makes me feel great and I take it to heart. When we were at the birthday party last night I wasn’t drinking alcohol (I occasionally do, but I’m not a big drinker and last night I didn’t feel like drinking). He said he thought it was great that I could still be around a group of people who were drinking and have fun, dance, and socialize. He thought other people in my situation may feel uncomfortable and just want to go home. So I guess he complimented me on my ability to not need alcohol to have fun and I was enjoyable to be around.