Dear jlo5:

Your husband has been troubled most likely ever since he was a child. The trouble is located in between his ears and this is why changing anything external will not do. At one point, in his trouble, distress he started turning against you. If he turned toward you, then there would be a chance for the two of you to help each other, so it would be a Win-Win relationship. Unfortunately he turned and continues, progressively, to turn against you.

Psychotherapy with a competent, empathetic therapist would be best: first attend as a couple and first thing to attend to would be him being taught to turn toward you and not against you. Abusive behavior on his part must stop. The therapist will teach the two of you how to communicate with EAR: Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect. He would need to learn and practice the E and the R of the EAR and you, the A (Assertiveness).

Unless he is willing to attend such, he will continue to be troubled, maybe progressively so. You will as well, walking on eggshells, being abused and the children will continue to suffer because there is no way that they don’t sense the tension and misery.

You may need to consider separation from him for the sake of the children.

anita