Thank you for all your advice, one thing my mind did decide to throw at me today was “Boxes”…..i put emotions, feelings and people into neat, tidy little boxes. If someone I love hurts me i put them in the anger box or a negative box and shut off contact to any positive feelings towards them or that situation. I think this has led to alot of my walls my hubby insists i have and that he can’t get through no matter how much i’ve been asking him to, he states they are solid steel.
My Mum hurt me alot when i was younger, i fell out with her, i was planning on going to see her after my son was born but she died a week before, i never got to go to her funeral as my son got taken into hospital.
I am so angry at her for how she treated me yet i love and miss her, the feelings are contradictory and confusing, i feel this way about alot of situations in my life. I’ve no built so many walls filled with so many boxes and i don’t know what to do or where to start.
Monklet80 your right i have treated myself very badly, very badly indeed, i’m surprised my body is still going but i just don’t know where to start i really don’t.