Hi, Anita.
I’m not sure how to answer your question and am a little confused as to why an answer would help you decide how to proceed with posts to me. I would hope you would express your feelings and beliefs honestly and openly regardless of how much of it I agree with. Isn’t a forum about getting, evaluating, and pondering ALL inputs and all different perspectives? I think I can learn a little bit from everyone as there is no one simple, cut and dry solution to my problem. It will most likely be a combination of suggestions, feedback and input from various approaches.

My initial reaction is that trying to approach her with love and forgiveness gets me nowhere – been there, done that. It’s basically what I’ve been trying to do for years – win her approval by killing her with kindness. I am at the stage of life where I’m leaning towards “If you’re a miserable, unhappy person, there is nothing I can do to help you with that so I must now protect myself from you and learn to fully enjoy the life I have left.”

In reply to Monklet, most of the “family” is hers. She had three children, and they all now have spouses and children, so she hosts all the get-togethers and holidays. For me to try and see my nieces and nephews without her would unleash a wrath that would punish not only me but her children as well. Actually, her daughter is a drama queen that drinks too much and one of her sons is a heroin-addict and not someone I enjoy seeing. My two adult children don’t really go to her events because they distanced themselves long ago. So I am going to focus more on spending time with my children and seeing less of her family. My daughter, however, got married and moved to Oregon a few years ago so seeing her is difficult but we keep in touch electronically.
Sue