Hi Liquidshake,

One reason I think is because we want to Prove Them Wrong. So if our father was no good, we attract no good people to finish the drama with our parent. If the other person who treated you like crap later apologizes, compliments you or changes for the better, we’ve Won. Thus turning back time, proving Dad wrong… or something. Totally unconscious behavior, you understand…

It could be that this person feels like “family” or our childhood environment, so we let them in.

How to get out… Well, first of all, no more unconscious default setting is allowed. We have to actively CHOOSE to not see them, answer their texts, etc. Or we have to CHOOSE to tell them off when they confront us in the flesh, and negate what they say. This can be very, very scary. The other person will come back harder because we’ve changed the script.

I remember telling someone, “No I’m not”.
*scoffs* “Oh but I think you are!”
“Nope, that’s not who I am.”
This went on and on until I got the last word.

What happens is they don’t mess with you anymore or THEY drop out of your life to look for the next victim.

Then there’s the “Why didn’t you get back to me?!”
You: “I got your messages, I haven’t processed those emails/texts/calls yet.” (You have better things to do)

We also don’t let them go because our world is so small. What we need to do is make friends with lots of quality people. When the abuser sees them around you or you mention them they often back off because you now have a squad. Of course, they may choose to isolate you too. NEVER make them isolate you!

Good Luck!

Inky