Dear Peppermint:

I am glad you started this thread. It reads to me that you feel a bit embarrassed for feeling this jealousy (your last two lines, “I’m not always like that..”). This is my input:

There is a valid message behind your jealousy. There is nothing wrong with this feeling or with you for having this feeling. All our feelings are automatic. We don’t choose them. Our feelings are functional- they give us information about what we need. If we figure out the correct message and do what needs to be done, then we are healthy and functional.

All our feelings are valid and all have valid messages. None is inferior to other feelings and none is to be ashamed about.

So what is the valid message in your feeling of jealousy and anger toward the new person in the choir?

Is it that you really enjoy your position in the choir before she joined? You received appreciation from the other members of the choir who looked up to you, maybe? And you are afraid that they will now look up to her instead? And the reason they will is because you believe her attitude and behavior is superior to yours?

Awaiting your reply.

anita