I just ended my 2 year relationship with my boyfriend two days ago. I am finding it very hard to deal with the guilt of knowing I have caused him a lot of pain, and I know how upset he probably is right now. From the beginning of our relationship, as we were so young, I had my doubts. Initially I had not been that attracted to him, but with time, I grew to develop a deep caring for him, but I wouldn’t say it was love. I settled for him because he treated me with so much respect, love and kindness- why would you not want to stay with someone so lovely? The spark was missing. No matter how hard I tried in the last 9 months of our relationship, I could not rekindle that spark I used to feel when I was with him.

It wasn’t until two months ago when we went on a holiday with two other couples, that I realised how truly unhappy I was- and how badly I had started to treat him because of my unhappiness. When they were holding hands, kissing each other- I could barely stand to talk to my boyfriend, and when we did talk- we fought. In our relationship, I had always been the ‘pants’. But I had started feeling a large amount of pressure from this. He would leave me to make every decision, to lead every conversation and when we would fight-even if I was clearly in the wrong- he would be the one apologising. Sooner or later, I began to find his inability to stand up for himself unattractive, as I started to feel like I was becoming his mother, not his girlfriend.

I don’t regret my decision of breaking it off. But I am finding it hard to deal with the guilt of knowing he is extremely upset right now and he has tried to contact me (I’ve declined all contact because I know it will only prolong both of our pain). Is there any chance of us becoming friends in 6 months? A year? Ever? I still care for him dearly, but I no longer love him, and I haven’t loved him for a long time. All I want is for him to be happy and hopefully find someone later in life who won’t try to change him (as I had tried), someone who cares for him as deeply as he cares for them. I hope he can forgive me one day, but for now- I have to put my feelings first. I stayed in that relationship for too long. I refused to break it off for so long out of fear of hurting him- until I realised I was hurting myself more the longer I stayed in the relationship that wasn’t making me unhappy. How long until the guilt passes? Was completely cutting off all contact with him the right thing to do?

• This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Nessie.