Dear epodc7:

You asked: “What approach should I take with her?”

The approach should be ZERO ABUSE: do not abuse her no matter what, no matter how hurt or angry you feel.

If you can’t control what you say to her, do not be in her presence during her coming visit. If you feel you are about to say hurtful words to her on the phone, get off the phone.

The approach, the policy I am strongly suggesting is ZERO ABUSE.

Go to psychotherapy, an anger management class, whatever it takes for you to control your behavior, to gain insight into the origin of your hurt and anger (K is not the origin at all; she is only your victim).

Your responsibility is to take on healing from your hurt and anger of long ago, so that you achieve well being for yourself and you no longer inflict your pain on another.

The title of your thread is: Holding on or letting go. Please do let go of your abusive behavior and hold on to healing yourself.

anita