Dear LBNL:

Congratulations for losing all that weight.

You suggested that your current feelings, post your huge weight loss are due to : “some sort of spiritual, identity, or existential crisis.” I don’t see it that way.

I see your feeling “like my soul is floating outside my body, watching my life from the outside. Nothing feels real..” as depersonalization, a way the brain protects itself against anxiety, overwhelming, ongoing fear. The fact that your fear latched on to the thought of your parents dying makes it quite clear to me that you are experiencing significant anxiety.

I am supposing your eating habits changed drastically and that is how you lost the weight and kept it off so far. This in itself is a big change in behavior. It may be that overeating was associated in your brain with the temporary relief of your anxiety (not a cure of your anxiety, but associated with the sense of temporary relief). Without this temporary relief, and following the “high” of the weight-loss-mission-accomplished, you are left without that temporary relief (overeating) and without the high of mission-accomplished.

There might be other factors, but these may be two.

What I would do if I was you would be to attend competent psychotherapy as soon as possible. If I was you, I wouldn’t want to undo the weight loss. Not only will I not want to undo that, but your current anxiety is an opportunity for you to start healing the core issue: anxiety, anxiety predating your weight loss as well as predating your weight gain— all the way back to that little girl that you were.

Hope you post again. I am very interested in communicating with you as this is a crucial time for you, I believe; time for serious work with a competent, empathetic psychotherapist.

anita