Hi sarahk,

I have suffered all my adult life from similar issues in every long relationship I’ve had (sometimes even in short ones).
I have looked for answers online and in therapy, and I believe I might be suffering from Relationship OCD (ROCD).
It sounds like it might be something you could identify with as well if you look it up.

With me it was either about the relationship not “feeling” right (for example, with one of my ex’s it was mainly about the fact that I’ve never felt “in love” with him and I took it as a sign that it wasn’t meant to be), or the person having a flaw or some flaws I felt I couldn’t live with (I’m not talking about serious flaws like being abusive or irresponsible or anything like that). These thoughts get worse and worse until I break up the relationship and then I feel relief, until the next relationship where the pattern repeats itself.

The problem with this is it is so vicious, I am never sure if my relationship really is “wrong” or if I really have such an issue. I’ve never suffered from other OCD type symptoms. I always have this doubt – what if I just never found the right person for me? What if I just keep making the wrong choices and I actually need a completely different type of person to the one I usually choose? It really is an awful feeling as it is keeping you away from the one person you’re supposed to be closest to and ruining every bit of positive feeling between you, and in your life in general as a result.
So I can really relate to what you are feeling.
I must say this is hell on earth and it is definitely the worst thing I have ever had to deal with, and I went through some stuff that other people might consider tough. They were nothing compared to this hell that you can’t even share with anyone. Because who will I talk to? I don’t want my friends and family to know I have such thoughts about my partner…

If anyone has any insights or advice, I would love to hear.
Thank you for reading.