I really don’t want help, I somewhat like feeling this bad and sad because i’m so used to it and I believe i’m supposed to suffer. I do want her being happy, but i’m so toxic inside I really can’t get help. When we went to the doctors to talk about this I bawled my eyes out sorta, but I feel I deserve the pain I am getting. I also feel I should give her up so I can suffer my biggest regret of all. I guess this is why I get no joy in helping people? not even a little…she says it’s because something in me is blocking me, and she’s VERY spiritual. Every day I live I feel like poison. I also think she deserves someone better then me in her life.