Dear jlo5:

Yesterday you wrote: “I also confided in two more friends, 0ne is very fond of him, so her reaction was quite important to me. The one thing I remember her saying is ‘I would have left him ages ago’. In today’s post you wrote: ” I am thinking now perhaps I was a bit premature in telling him and should have just waited..”

Your friend whose opinion matters to you said that she would have left him “ages ago” and yet today, you are thinking you leaving him is “a bit premature.”

In a previous post you wrote that your child told you that she hates when he shouts at you. Children are greatly affected, negatively affected, injured, really, when they grow up with a parent shouting. They need a feeling of safety and peace, not conflict, ongoing conflict and aggression, subtle or loud.

Your primary responsibility is to your children, to provide for them a peaceful home. This is why leaving him needs to be done.

I think that you are confused by your feelings of attachment to him and if you waited until you feel absolutely sure leaving is the right thing for you to do, you may wait forever. Accept that you will probably continue to be conflicted about leaving. Don’t wait for a certain feeling before you leave.

The feeling of attachment/ love for him is confusing you; your attachment to the idea of a family unit is confusing you. Try to see reality for what it is- first, through your children’s eyes and hearts.

Leave and provide them a no- anger zone in a home they can feel safe and comfortable.

anita