Dear Broken Man:

In your original post you wrote: “I cannot work out why her anger makes me feel so bad. I do not have problems dealing with others who show similarly aggressive characteristics.. With others, it’s like water off a duck’s back. With my wife it’s very different and completely the opposite as I take things deeply to heart.
It really is as if I am under her hurtful spell….” In your last post you gave more detail: ” For the last 20 years I have been working in a what is often a very difficult industrial environment dealing with customer complaints involving large sums of money…I have no problems dealing with these difficult people and situations and can always maintain a cool head. Very different with dealings with my wife.”

Your wife is at home, your home. The customers are outside your home. Because your wife is at home, you have no way to escape her and so, you are trapped with her. When you visit your customers, you only visit them. Living with your wife, you go to bed at night knowing you will be asleep in the presence of the-enemy, unable to protect yourself. Living with the enemy, you cannot always pay attention to her moves, too many hours, too many minutes every hour to always be alert.

It is being TRAPPED that makes the fear escalate inside and interrupt the cool headedness you experience otherwise at work.

anita