Thank you so much! I am better now. I was trying to figure out what I am really scared of – the answer is loneliness. I feel misunderstood and frustrated but at least I feel like I am belonging. The fear of being left out by my family is also really strong. I remember having those kind of dreams where they are leaving me and treating like a ghost when I was little. But at the same time they treat me as a child who must be told what to do and I don’t want that. That makes me feel powerless and stuck.
I am so grateful for you and people on that site. I was always afraid to post something, I am actually really surprised that anybody wanted to answer me and tried to understand me. Thank you once again!