Hi grahamcracker!

Wow. I actually created an account just so that I could reply to you. I’m currently facing a decision to either leave or stay in a place that really speaks to my heart. My heart says I should stay, but I’m currently dealing with a crippling amount of anxiety (aka my head) which makes staying seem like it would be the death of me. It doesn’t make much logical sense at all to stay–and yet it’s what’s in my heart. I have no idea what is the right or wrong move here, and if such things even exist, but here’s what I know for sure:

Never do our hearts stop speaking to us. Never does life inscribe in black and white that we’ve forever lost the privilege to follow curiosity or wonder or that we are punished with a lifetime of regret for ever having ignored our hearts. Each tug from our hearts is a chance to begin again.

And so here you are, in many ways in the same place you were all those years ago. It’s evidence that the heart doesn’t care how much new information has been shoved it’s way–it stands steady in what it knows.

I say find a way to get over there, even if it’s just for a couple weeks. You’ll be doing yourself such a loving favor. All of the logistics can be ironed out with an open mind. But as long as we continue to allow our minds to keep us in this in-between place, where what we want lies somewhere too painful or too impossible to travel to, we will be willing victims of a very boring and dramatic (and painful) saga.

Wishing you all the best,
Joey

p.s. For the things you absolutely cannot do anything about (like your past), I’d recommend looking into Byron Katie’s The Work and maybe even checking out her book, Loving What Is. It’s been an enormous gift in untying the stubborn knots in my mind.