Dear Anita,

Thank you so much for your detailed reply. A lot to think about there.

I guess for some reason it’s still hard for me to believe that these issues stem from my childhood experiences. Maybe because I am under the influence of these thoughts at the moment and so I tend to think that these are all “excuses”, and the issue is much simpler – that the relationship is not right.

I understand what you are saying about the child’s perspective and the adult perspective though. This rings very true. But I wonder how do you go back to things that you experienced as a child and use them to feel better in the present, do you just try to remember more about these experiences somehow? I really don’t know how to approach this, how to go from here and explore this further. Do you try to get in touch with more memories, that you have forgotten about? And if so, how?

Please don’t feel obliged to answer my questions about this, I realize this is probably stuff that cannot really be addressed so much in this format. I was just wondering if you had some general idea of how these things are accessed or processed in a therapy such as the one you underwent.

I do take into consideration your thoughts about my current therapist. You might very well be right. I think I will gave him a few more chances, in the hope that my sharing my experiences with my brother did open up some new path. Also, I will try to speak to him about my need of clarity and direction from him, I have not really spoken to him about this but accepted this as being his style, as this was also the way it was with other therapists I have been to. Maybe he will adapt his style a bit if I bring it up in a more outspoken way.

I do believe that the therapist you have been to used a different method to Freudian ones though, so maybe it’s more a question of trying something else if this doesn’t work out. I have been wary of CBT because from reading about it it felt to me a bit simplistic, like training your mind to ignore or control specific thoughts. Not an in-depth approach, but more like a training of sorts. I was afraid that if I try that it will only help for a while, and then my issues might evolve into a new form because they would not have been addressed under the surface.

I admit that lately I have started viewing therapy as a place for me to share thoughts and ideas that I can’t share with my partner for obvious reasons (because it’s mostly regarding my feelings for him), and to vent off my feelings without hurting him. I have pretty much accepted the idea that I would just need to see a therapist forever (not necessarily this one, but someone). Because I’m just an anxious person and I need this support.

Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to respond. It really is a big help.