For me this appears to be a problem of measurement and labeling. On the whole we suck at measuring emotional experience and then compound the problem with labeling the experience and the person or self as being the label. For example the measurement that having many sexual partners is bad, there for a person who has many sexual partners is bad. The person becoming the labels created.

The map is not the territory, the word tree is not a tree… we are more than the sum of our parts and labels.

You must live your values as you understand them. If you are having to validate those values via the application of labels the danger is the creation of a I – It experience vice a I – Thou experience.

Each person is unique, more than the sum of their parts (and past).