Dear Charlie:

I went back to your questions in your original post (I missed them yesterday, being caught up in my own going-Anonymous drama here!)

“Do you have any thoughts about telling a loved one how much it hurts you? Is it even fair to tell them this?” I think it is fair and you did well telling him how you feel last night. Good job, I say!

“Do any of you have thoughts on how to stay sane when a person you care about deeply continually returns to an abusive relationship?”

Yes, I have a thought: if he continues to choose to avail himself to his sister, knowing he gets hurts by such availability and knowing of your advice that he does not avail himself, then you can choose as well: choose to not hear anymore about how he continues to get hurt by future events with her. You can ask him to not tell you the details or anything about future painful interactions with his sister.

Without the details or being told anything about such future events, you may stay sane (your concern). Besides, it is of no use for him to receive your empathy for pain that he repeatedly chooses to avail himself to.

anita