Hi Adam, thank you for your reply. After writing this topic I searched on the internet because it makes me feel very desperate. I didn’t mention in my story that I grew up with an alcohol addicted mom. My father left us before I was even born so when I mention my father I refer to my stepfather who has been part of my life for many years but not anymore.

After research I understood that there’s such a thing as ‘codependency’. Even though I try not to enable him anymore in his addiction, and trust me he very well knows how I feel towards his weed use, nothing positive. But the thing is, my mom drinks and is in denial after many years. I don’t remember having a mom who’s not alcoholic. I tried but I couldn’t ‘save her’, you know by achieving high grades in school, getting a job at 13 years old so I have my own money, doing good at sports. It didn’t help because she’s still drinking. Ofcourse I understand her drinking problem is not my fault, but that’s how I used to think as a child. I ran away at 15 years old because I couldn’t handle this problem at home anymore. Since then I have been taking care of myself. 5 years later I met my boyfriend.
Now I have my boyfriend who has many issues and in my eyes he needs unconditional love and support to quit ruining his life and make his low self-esteem normal again and make him fight for his life, like I am fighting for my life. But is this a mistake I’m making. I agree with you saying I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.

I don’t want to explain why I love him and why he’s a good friend to me. Because I don’t want to feel like I have to explain why I’m ever involved with him. I just want to talk to someone who has some similar experience (with addicts) and have some good advice because I’m very desperate and very depressed from it lately.