Dear Adam, thanks again for your reply. I will think about it. As for your advice to sort things out with my mother – I can’t. We can’t communicate. She’s still heavily drinking and still in complete denial. According to her, the last time she was drunk was at 18 years old at the beach with friends. It’s me, and everybody around her that’s acting weird towards her. To her – I have a problem. I can’t sort things out with her. I have given up on her. She’s my mother but that’s it.
As for my biological father, he lives in another country and the last time I have seen him it was 5 years ago. I tried mailing and talking to him the last time we physically met (this was the 2nd time in my life btw). I tried to build a relationship, even if he was no part of my upbringing at all, he’s still my father. He stopped replying. He has my contact info but he doesn’t want to contact me. I guess it’s his new wife that doesn’t want this – but that’s just a random guess. I have given up on him too.
The only other person I ever considered family – I don’t want to give up on him. Because he still has potential to turn his life around. He’s still young. He doesn’t have a marriage or children. Even if it would be without me, I would very much love to see him make something out of his life. I can’t just walk away if it were nothing!!!
I realise I don’t know what is love, because I have always been put in second place, next to the addiction. I don’t know how to love someone else because the people I ever really loved are addicts and supposedly I’m very familiar with the caretaker role but never really what’s it like to be in a loving relationship without addictions standing in the way.
And it’s very frustrating because alcohol is available everywhere, and I live in the Netherlands so weed is also extremely easy accesable.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 