Hi Anita and singhcool

On both sides I feel are correct. On one hand I know I have self esteem issues and I am starting to realise more than ever that I was brought up in a very negative and serious atmosphere. My parents have both been very negative about things all throughout my life. I have social anxiety as well for most of my life and I have gotten to a good level chatting with people(mostly had to study social interaction) in small talk but furthur than that I cant get to. I dont know how. I am getting better at throwing a joke around and getting people to laugh a bit but its usually not enough(there’s the lack of self esteem! Haha). I feel you on the no one jokes with you part. At my work I work with a lot of guys(im a girl, just in case that wasnt clear) and I cant seem to joke around with them as well as the other guys do. I appreciate the advice and yea I am in my 20’s 🙂 now on the other hand too I think less of my parents per say and more so my family as a whole and friends growing up. My cousin and sisters and I always hung out but I felt so left out because I am a lot younger than them. I didnt get to do all the things they did and often or not no one really wanted to talk to me that much but I wanted them to talk to me so badly. My friends too did the same things. So as a little girl I never really got social acceptance from anywhere, I was always doing something wrong. I wasnt really special to anyone haha. Therapy would be a good idea, although I am scared they will judge me a lot. Thank you too for your response, talking it through it making me feel a bit better about this stuff. Sorry for the long response!
Best wishes,
Leanne