Home→Forums→Relationships→My Wife doesn't love me….help please!→Reply To: My Wife doesn't love me….help please!
James,
I disagree that it’s over and I think your marriage is worth saving, for both of you. As I said before, today’s world gives up too easily and seems to forget that while being selfless is hard ultimately it can make you happier because you are seeing her needs met. That is how men are made up. It’s what makes them happiest. But I also think that, as one of the other posters said, the trust is broken. I think that may be where some of your sadness is coming from. You can’t completely trust that she is going to be there for you no matter what happens, so after a particularly good day you may fear it isn’t enough and it brings on the sadness/depression. I stand by what I said before about listening to motivators. It’s impossible to feel bad listening to them, but you must do it daily for at least 30 minutes for it to really start changing your thinking. From what you said about your wife being surprised about your efforts, she never really wanted to leave, like me she thought that you didn’t care.
The frank conversation you need to have with her is this: Honey, I love you and our girls and I don’t want a separation. I know that you love me too although you may not be “in love” with me right now. That’s okay. But you and our family are extremely important to me and I will do everything in my power to make you and our girls happy. I know I’m not perfect but I’m trying to be a better man. I really do appreciate you and how patient you’ve been with me over the past years. Even if you don’t fall “in love” with me again,know that I will always love you, even if that means letting you go.
Don’t be too quick to listen to those who say it’s all over. She hasn’t left yet, there is still hope. And the fact that you’re trying and want this to work means there is still hope. You’re never going to go back to the kind of relationship or marriage that you had before all of this, but a different one. You are different people now. You are not the same as when you first met or married. People and relationships change and evolve over time. It doesn’t mean you can’t reconnect. She’s still there after a year, and she had a great time on her birthday with YOU. Think about that. Appreciate that.
Ultimately being unselfish IS being selfish because it means your happiness too. That is what people seem to forget. Would you be truly happy or would she if you were no longer together? It doesn’t sound like it to me. Especially considering her response to your question about separation. She doesn’t really want to leave.
For yourself, you are a good man. I think that you may be feeling a sense of failure as a husband because of how your wife was feeling a year ago and it has contributed to your overall unhappiness. Don’t make me kick you in the pants! You’re still there, you’re still trying and she sees and appreciates that. You are NOT a failure. You DIDN’T give up. You are much STRONGER then you know.
I’m still pulling for you!
Jessi