Just as an update: When I got together with my ex, it turns out he had had a change of heart. He realized that he had been putting a lot of pressure on our relationship from his side about what it needed to look like and that was wrong. He said he missed me a lot – that the prospect of seeing me made him feel excited like Christmas morning (his favorite day of the year). In the past we had often talked about the hypotheticals of getting married and having children and while I thought we were talking about us, apparently he was not. But now he says he wants to talk about those things and he wants to talk about US doing them. This is all great – really great because he feels like home to me.

But since we sort of decided to get back together I still am finding myself worried about things and I’m trying to figure out how to use the things I practiced while we were apart now that we are back together. I feel anxious that he’s still not 100% sure, largely because he says he thinks we need to live together again before getting engaged. I’m anxious about actually getting engaged – I want to start the next phase of our lives together and feel him commit 100%.

I can tell he’s working on getting to the same place as I am – he is pretty much trying to overturn 28 years of expectations for what to expect in a relationship – and I’m trying to give him the time and space he needs, but I just wish that he KNEW, 100%, and was overcome with passion, but that’s just not who he is (more of a strategizer). I know he either has or is looking at rings – he knows much more about the cuts that I do and has clearly done some research. I know that him wanting me to move back in is actually a good thing – I don’t think he would want me to move in if he felt it wouldn’t work out. I guess I’m just looking for methods of utilizing “the universe” or other methods that can help me enjoy each day, know that we are growing in love, and just remind myself that things come at the right time.