Dear Katie:

I am glad you followed up on the last reply you posted with your own thread!

I have the answer, so I feel. Here it is: for a child, it is not an option to be alone than to be with the parent- whomever the parent. No young child will say: my parent is a horrible person, I am leaving; better to be alone than with the wrong parent!

It doesn’t happen. Young children don’t do that, older children most often don’t, and adults, like you, still don’t feel that they have the option to leave an inadequate and even abusive romantic object-of-attachment (a substitute parent).

Back to the young child, for him or her: it is never better to be alone than with the wrong parent. Reason: through how many years of evolution, a young mammal is born with the necessity to form the strongest attachment to the parent so to follow it and be protected; to follow it and be fed; to follow the parent and learn how to feed itself, eventually.

You wrote four months ago: “At 32 I have a string of failed relationships and I just wonder if I am capable of having a real and lasting connection with anyone ever. What am I doing so wrong.”

What you didn’t do yet, I say, is feel confident enough to be able to survive without a parent or a romantic object-of-attachment.

* side note: another factor regarding the quote from 4 months ago is forming that strong attachment to a man before evaluating whether it is a good idea, and without being aware to what attracts you to a particular man. I think this stems from not having adequately evaluated your parent/s yet.

It WILL be better for you to be alone than with the wrong person IF you feel confident to be able to survive (physically and emotionally) by yourself.

Gone for a few hours (in case you respond quickly)- will be back.

anita