Hi Chris,
Firstly, I want to thank you for your post. For your experience has allowed me to connect with mine and pull answers from this thread to put into action in my own life.

I can’t add to what anyone has said, but something that did stand out to me was this sentence “There are no appropriate amends. Not in my opinion.” this is your old thought pattern and process. Believe there is and there will be. Changing these old thought patterns and processes will help you heal 🙂