Dear samira:

In trying to understand your situation I am re-writing your story in my own words:

You are in a relationship with a man for 6 years at this point, in Pakistan. You started as friends, then became best-friends. He helped you when you had a crush on another guy and when your father passed away. Over time you and him became physically intimate, as in girlfriend/ boyfriend, only you did not have sexual intercourse. Your brother caught you and him in bed and told about it to your sisters and mother. Next, your now boyfriend asked you to marry him. You refused but remained in the girlfriend/ boyfriend relationship with him while he was supportive of you throughout.

Your boyfriend dropped out of University because of low grades. You completed your studies and he paid for part of your university fees and with much more. Even though he was the decent guy that he was, up to this point, very supportive of you emotionally and financially, asking you to marry him and remaining supportive while you refused to marry him, you became “really mean” to him, mocking him, making fun of him repeatedly and frequently. Still, your boyfriend helped you and your family (mother, brother) financially, while you treated him abusively.

A year after he first asked you to marry him, he asked you again. You refused again, saying you were going to leave Pakistan for Australia. He said he’ll wait for you 5 years. You asked him not to wait for you.

Next, he told you that his mother wants him to marry his cousin. You weren’t concerned about it because you were busy with your family issues, but two weeks before his marriage, you changed your mind and told him that you don’t want him to marry his cousin. He heard you and was willing to stop the marriage from taking place. He tried very hard but the cousin’s parents abused him and financially blackmailed him.

Highly distressed, he came up with a plan: he will go through the marriage ceremony but will not have physical intimacy with his cousin, to-be-wife. When he becomes financially secure (no longer vulnerable to the financial blackmail), he will then take his money, leave her and his whole family in Pakistan and move to Australia with you.

You are worried about your future with him in Australia, since he has no degree or work experience. You are depressed and have panic attacks.

Next, you wrote that he is lying to you. No mention of him lying to you before, but suddenly, there is.

Next, he is in a hospital, his face and upper body burned.

Am I correct so far? Let me know and I will write you more.

anita