Dear Russ:

Good job being authentic, if I may say so.

I am not a saint (regarding your very last post). I am scared too. I am a fellow scared human being.

You are correct, you are not likely to meet in- person me or any of the respondents to your thread. None of the respondents here are going to pay your bills (neither will you be paying mine, of course)- and so, really, there is no reason for you to not be authentic here. As long as you are not abusive to me, I will keep responding to you. No requirements on my part for you to be positive or even friendly.

You wrote: “Any time I show my emotion to anyone…the relationship or the situation always ends. It always has.”- not here, not with me. Here, please do show your emotions, as you have today. What is the point otherwise…

You wrote: ” (Respondents) must be as frustrated as everyone in my life has been. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard ‘There is nothing I can do to help you…nothing I say has been able to help you so far, and it never will’” It’s exhausting to love me, damn near impossible.”-

As if telling another person what-to-do, how-to-feel and what-to-think works. It doesn’t. Trying to do what doesn’t work is exhausting. What you think, feel; your fears, your motivations- these are your private territory, your in-between-the-ears private property.

Maybe loving you is not about giving you this message: stop thinking this way- think that way! Stop feeling this way, feel that way! Maybe loving you is about saying something like: whatever you think and whatever you feel is okay with me.

I have more but will keep it for further posts, if you are so inclined to continue interacting here. I do hope so.

anita