Dear debbie79:

You are welcome. No, I didn’t read your post before last- you posted your first post today at the exact minute I posted my first one to you this morning (a double post).

Nope, I do not believe in signs and divine intervention. Meeting the Deacon- maybe you can get some answers there based on his answers to the questions on their test. I would definitely meet and ask for those answers (hopefully, they will share?)

You wrote in your first post this morning: “He needs to be successful & the best at all he does”- I see where your dissatisfaction regarding Daisy would rain-on-his-parade of needing to be successful in the relationship with you, as well as any dissatisfaction you ever express. But there is no perfect satisfaction I can think of, although he managed well, because you wrote in your original post that all was Perfect.

That is distorted thinking on his part, that expectation or drive to be perfect. And you can’t walk on eggshells so that he doesn’t get alarmed about any unavoidable imperfection in the relationship.

When people are perfectionistic, they entertain all-or-nothing thinking, distorted as well. Either all is Perfect or all is a disaster.

Reads to me that if you did initiate a renewal of the relationship, you will have a big challenge in front of you: his perfectionistic and all-or-nothing thinking which will affect his continuous employment as well as relationships. You will have to somehow… ease him into imperfection and of course, endure those yourself.

So how are you going to ask him for information- do you think an email is a possibility? Present it in such a way that will most likely get you honest answers?

* Regarding the Christmas notes to you and to your parents (those signs…)- maybe those were part of his idea of perfect performance, in the context of the relationship. At some point that drive to perform (and sound) perfect departed from the truth, for him..?

anita