Dear Crystal:

I think that you would have done anything and everything possible for you, and that you would have pushed yourself beyond the possible, to prevent your father from committing suicide. I think that his suicide meant not only the end for him, but for you. I think you still fear the same, your own ending, and that is the “big blank” you referred to in “It looks like a big blank.”

Truth is, it only feels this way, like the end. For him it was, for your father. But it was not then, and it is not now, your end. It only FEELS this way.

Truth also is that it feels as badly as if it was true. Please, say that to yourself: It only feels this way. This feeling will not kill me. I survived this feeling for years and I will continue to survive it for as long as it takes.

Please do post more-

anita