Dear ginger263:

Clearly, you should move out as soon as possible, yesterday, if it was possible! You clearly need to NOT live with your mother, to not have her in your life or in your children’s lives.

The damage she is doing to you, and to your children (directly to them or indirectly, by harming their mother) cannot be undone by periods of her being “normal and nice again.”

She is “normal and nice again” after her abusive behavior toward you because being abusive toward you relieves her distress, making her feel better, well enough to be… normal and nice-

until the next time she needs relief, her distress will build again, and a relief will be needed again- you are that place of relief, for her.

I hope you make your life about your children’s well being, your own well being- and not about a way for your mother to relieve herself from her distress.

anita