I have a slight different angle on this, so here it is..

Friend J – I’m not sure of your age but yes generally if you would like to do something for your birthday I would take it that you plan/arrange or put something past someone – depending on how good friends you are – and how old you are – some people, as they get older, don’t like to celebrate their birthdays, for various reasons. I do think it would’ve been a nice gesture for her to have paid for your tea and cake though – however, she may be struggling money wise and didn’t want to say – so came to be a kind friend, but could only afford to pay for herself? In regards to the social media, I’m not sure I agree with that, however, did she take any photos of you, or both of you? Or your joint tea and cake? I must admit, I would’ve thought she would’ve include your name at least to say “Birthday Tea & Cake with Bakedbean” – however, what is her social posting like? Does she normally include people, does she normally post?
I’m just wondering if you’ve taken a negative look on this?

Friend L – she came two hours away to see her daughter, she invited you to join her – she didn’t have too? Maybe she hadn’t seen her daughter in a while either and if it was planned last minute then understandable why nothing else was put in place. If it was planned in advance maybe you could’ve taken the opportunity to put forward a plan of what YOU wanted to do. Her daughter then text (which yes your friend should have text, not her daughter) to treat you for your birthday – maybe they felt bad that you declined, realising that actually it was your birthday. You said “what she meant was pay for cake at a place they had chosen to suit themselves” did they actually say they would take you for cake at ‘so and so place’? At which point you could’ve said – lovely and gone .. they are paying for you to have cake and tea after all?! Unless you have had a bad experience and this particular place, then why would you not want to go? Or at this point assert yourself and say “oh what a lovely idea, but would you mind if we went to …….. instead? It’s just I (either don’t like that place/ can’t eat anything there/ have an allergy – insert as appropriate)

Friend D – she was ill over your birthday. Ok, I guess it depends over what period because you could say she could have handed it to you first, before your birthday, but if she was planning on being in work (not ill) on your birthday, then she wouldn’t give it to you beforehand anyway? You got a present out of it at the end of it, so, actually, is she ok? Was it just a cold, she could be ill from something serious?

In my opinion, it seems to me that your expectations from your friends may be a little high. You need to remember as human beings we all work in different ways and you wanting to be taken to a certain place, on a certain day and paid for, may not be someone else’s idea of a nice birthday – they might just like a card and no fuss. So, if you want something, ask for it – or plan a get together and invite them all. It seems that you look at the negative on things instead of the positive and that you need to assert yourself more.
Your friend invited you out and declined on the fact you couldn’t go where you wanted, so rather than discuss other options etc with her you decline, say no, resent her and what’s just happened and feel like you don’t have good friendships – just as an example.

Let me hear what you think of this look on it?
Poppy

• This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Poppyxo.