Dear hannahl:

Regarding the difference in temperature that he mentioned: him being colder and you, warmer- I think he is referring to the level of neediness, that you needed/ need him more than he needed you, wanting more time from him and more exclusiveness (that he spends less time with others). When one person needs less of another’s time, it doesn’t mean that person is less loving. It may, but not necessarily (there are plenty of needy people who are not loving, and less needy who are loving!)

The fact that he apologized for not being warmer means that he is aware that you are unhappy with his level of neediness vs yours, that he is aware he is not acceptable or satisfactory to you in that regard.

He wrote that he is sorry that he made you sad in the end: two things, first, again, he is aware that he is not acceptable or satisfactory to you, that he affected you negatively, made you sad. Second< “in the end” does indicate an ending of some sort. He may be viewing the present state of the relationship as an ending-

In light of the fact that you sent him a Valentine card two weeks ago and he didn’t send you a Valentine message, the ending he was referring to, reads to me, is the ending of the romantic relationship of the last five months.

Reads to me like he is very well aware that he made you sad, that the relationship didn’t make you happy. He wrote that he was “so sorry and worried”- he has been very aware, emotionally aware, that the relationship made you unhappy, so much so that he believed that him answering this email will make you sad, but he answered anyway.

I am sorry, hannahl: doesn’t look good as far as this being an ongoing loving relationship at this point. If you wrote to him next that, let’s say, you are happy with him etc., I don’t think he will believe you. He already believes otherwise.

And truly, you are not happy with his level of neediness, which brings me back to the compatibility issue.

Not that there is no chance for this relationship in the future, just not much of a chance, as I see it. I too am sorry that you are sad. I wish things were different!

anita