Dear winchester1990

Now that you are aware of his significant anxiety, things can’t be like they were before you were aware of it. But things can be way better than they are now.

You have your “own mental health issues (you) deal with” and he has his own. This is an opportunity for the two of you to help each other with your individual mental well being.This would be a Win-Win relationship.

If it is only you acting as the source of help and him- the recipient of your help, that would be a Lose (for you) and Win (for him) relationship, for a while. This Lose-Win will continue to drain you until the relationship becomes miserable for the two of you, so in the long run, unless the two of you help each other, it would be a Lose-Lose.

If you deny your needs, become invisible in the relationship so not to upset him, that will cause anger to build up in you. Make your needs and wants visible, audible: tell him how it makes you feel when he tells you he feels badly when you are not with him. Let him know. Communicate openly and honestly, with mutual empathy and respect, both being assertive.

Hope you respond to my input here and hope to further communicate with you.

anita